I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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