so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Randomize
