i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
