The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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