Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
