She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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