That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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