I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
These tits shall not be calmed
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
