she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
