I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
