so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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