Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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