I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
