She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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