I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
