just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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