I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
