we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
