Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
