It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
