yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
