The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
