Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
