I just cut my nipple shaving
Only a mothe r could love this liver
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
