I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
