Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize