Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
false alarm, still single
Randomize
