I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
