The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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