apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
