Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
