the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
