She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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