I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize