Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and she was petting her beer can
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
