life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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