I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
