i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize