If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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