either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
