There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
