So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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