I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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