so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
