She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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