dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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