i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
