I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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