Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize