Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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