drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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