Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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