this boner is exhausting
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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