when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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