So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize