So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
