She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
