I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
