dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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