So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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