idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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