im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also, beer. Big fan.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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