I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
