sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
