wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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