Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
