I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
