also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
