i don't like sucking hair
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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