there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You pole danced in your parka.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
