Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
