The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
