You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
