He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
