If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
