My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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