I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
