Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
