I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
