we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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