so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
