So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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