New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
