Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
