So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
