Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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