forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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