I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
