I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
