i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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