He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
