My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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