what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
