i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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