If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
