Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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