dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
