My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
