Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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