false alarm. still invincible.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
