i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize