i wish peter jackson would direct porn
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize