Screwed.edu
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
