Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
