Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
