how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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