they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
