Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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