No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize