So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
