no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
